Embers
by Glitter Angel
Summary: Hotaru ventures out to live on her own as an adult in Crystal Tokyo.
1. Myself

The room was dark and dim, just how I like it.

I'm a mixture of woman and child. It is the future now, a new revolution and a new time. I am no longer the little violet-eyed, innocent savior I was so long ago.

I have grown up nicely under the care of Michiru and Haruka, my caretakers. Each of the Crystal Millennium children has had privileges and luxuries bestowed on them by their mothers, the Senshi. We lead the way for the future of this city.

Claelia, Chibiusa, Jeanne and I have known each other since we were children. Claelia, the daughter of Makoto Kino, resembles her mother in the way that she is tough and tall, but yet beautiful and caring.

Jeanne, daughter of Rei Hino, has always been the mysterious one, carrying on in her mother's footsteps as a Shinto priestess. I remember days of running across her freshly-swept temple steps and hearing the angry cries of Jeanne, upset at her ruined work.

Chibiusa, of course, is the child of King Endymion and Queen Serenity, the pink-haired goddess of Crystal Tokyo. She and I became friends, sisters, a long, long time ago, in that void where my mind grows gray and fuzzy. My father, my mother, my life…it recedes to nothing at that point…

I blinked back to reality. Leaning on my elbows, I cradled my head in my hands, my hair falling in ebony strands around my face. Life was so good before I ventured out into this realm of adulthood, filled with responsibility and term papers. Just me, with the ones around me that I held true.

Enter Ryo.

He blasted into my life, a blonde-haired, blue eyed angel. At first, that's what I thought he was. A wingless being, freefalling from the heavens to meet my gaze and smile. Those eyes, they melt me with one glance. I could sit and dream about him all day, Ryo, slicing against the moonlight and the sky.

I am a girl of many dreams.

I stood, prompted by a knock at my door. I hoped it wasn't the annoying landlord, who keeps pestering me for rent. Leaving Haruka and Michiru's house two months ago was a sad event. I was eager to go out and roam the streets of Crystal Tokyo as an adult, but then saddened when it meant moving away from Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama. I am now 19, but I wished I was still a young girl, riding happily in the back of Haruka-papa's car through the streets of the Crystal City. Michiru, my surrogate mother since my rebirth, hugged me warmly while furiously trying to hold her tears in. It was like I was leaving my own mother and father. In a way, I was.

My eyes clouded over as a solemn-looking woman in a pinstriped suit and black pumps greeted me on my tiny porch. My apartment overlooks the bustling city, the neon lights, and the intricate roadways that make up Crystal Tokyo. The moon cast an eerie glow on her form, making her seem tall and frightening.

"Ms. Hotaru, I presume?" Her voice was monotone, drab, stinging the air unexpectedly.

I simply stared at her, scared for her next words, and nodded reluctantly.

"Ms. Hotaru, I regret to inform you, but your parents are dead."

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A/N: Sorry so short. The next chapter should be out soon. I hope you enjoy 'Embers'. It is quite different from 'Velocity' and 'Exhale'. ^_^


	2. Shock

"D-dead?" I stammered out. My body began to shake, and I couldn't stop it. Ice ran through my veins. I leaned weakly against the frame of my door for support, staring at nothing.

The woman rattled on about a car accident, complications, a hospital, starting plans for a funeral, and a bunch of words that didn't mean anything to me. Death? Dead? No. No. They can't be dead…

I could hear faintly behind the woman's unintelligible murmuring frantic footsteps running up the stairs that leads to my floor. A flash of pink was illuminated by the muted glare of my porch light and Chibiusa screeched to a halt beside the woman.

She took once glance at my more pale-than-usual face and grasped my hands in hers.

"We need to go to the hospital. I'll drive you. You don't seem to be in good condition to get there on your own..." Chibiusa nodded to the woman that everything was okay, my face still frozen and my body paralyzed.

A strange sob escaped my mouth as I began to crumble. This was too much to take in. I felt so cold now, so icy and so alone…this feeling, I had felt it once before, a long time ago…

Chibiusa hugged me tightly, caressing my jet-black hair comfortingly. I sobbed and sobbed, the sound echoing across the hallway and down to the city. My mind was blank. It hurt to think, to breathe. I sniffled and pulled back, wiping my nose.

Her voice was small and distant. "We need to get going now…come on." And with that, we rambled to the hospital.

* * *

I was swept away through corridors, bright, pale hallways, bustling with activity. The light hurt my eyes, already numb and red. I couldn't contemplate anything. Wherever Chibiusa led me, I followed. Memories flowed into my mind; Setsuna, Haruka and Michiru all fussing over me; going to the beach with Michiru; Haruka, speeding through the streets, while Michiru screamed to slow down and I giggled in the backseat; growing up so fast, so very fast…

We stopped in a room with uncomfortable-looking chairs set in corners and along the wall. I blinked, and recognized everyone in the room. The Queen and King, surrounded by their soldiers; Ami and her small, blue-eyed son; Minako; Makoto, her husband, and Claelia; Setsuna, her hair slicked back and her eyes puffy; and Jeanne, holding Claelia's hand tightly, a look of fright upon her face.

The group looked up at my expressionless eyes and pushed toward me, hugging me in a grief-stricken blob. Several started to cry, and Jeanne burst into tears, burying her head into Setsuna's shoulder.

"What…what happened?" I whispered. Queen Serenity gave her daughter a kiss and then embraced me tightly, in that gentle but firm way I have grown to know. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes, letting the grief and sadness wash over me in waves.

"They…they were in an accident, Hotaru. You know Haruka…always wanting to drive as fast as she could through those busy streets…they were coming to see you…to see how you were doing…" Her last sentence came out as a low and hushed sound, echoing in my mind.

They killed themselves trying to come and see how I was coming along. I bit my lip hard and let the information sink in.

They would still be alive if I hadn't moved out…

Drifting back to reality, Queen Serenity's silver-sapphire eyes were staring in my violet ones sadly. I shook in her embrace, like a little child afraid of the dark. I was scared, so very scared…guilt took its place inside my trembling body, one more thing I couldn't think about.

"Rei was in the car, too…she…we're not sure how she's doing…" The Queen's voice wavered, tears falling from her face. I glanced over at Jeanne, clinging to Setsuna. This was so sickening, so very unreal. I was stabbed inside, the blade ripping through my heart, my stomach…

This couldn't be happening to me. Their faces swam in front of me, distantly. I was so far away now…home was gone, all was lost…Haruka and Michiru were swept away. My head ached dully, the skin prickling on my face. I inhaled deeply, feeling dizzy and torn. With a tiny breath, and a surprised gasp from Ami, I fainted, the bright lights burning into my eyes.

* * *

Blue, white, violet, gray…I was speeding through this web, this mass of color…

I could smell the crisp air that was filling my lungs. So sweet, laced with the heavy scent of flowers. My arms felt so heavy, my legs as if they were filled with lead. I was staring up at a blue painted sky, a meadow dotted with yellow and red flowers spread around my still form. The wind brushed like an angel's breath on my cheek, so soft and caring…

"Hotaru.."

The silver voice echoed across the field, clear, stirring the peaceful scene. Barely there, it stood out in my thoughtless mind, ringing like a single bell. I was content here, in this silent bliss. I closed my eyes, feeling the sunlight fall across my closed eyelids.

I opened them quickly, staring into a pair china blue eyes. Ryo stared comfortingly into my face, our noses almost touching. His arms were wrapped around me, strong and gentle. I was a single candle, a burning flame, a scream in this silent place. He slid his hand down my arm and gripped my hand in his, entwining his fingers around my own. I was melting, bleeding happily.

The breeze took his white-blonde hair, pulling it around in the wind. I sighed, remembering to breathe. Behind Ryo, I could see beautiful feathered wings softly waving back and forth in the wind, pure and white. They were almost transparent, but so beautiful and breathtaking I wanted to cry. His blue eyes bore into mine, his lips playing into a smile. He seemed mischievous, almost playful.

Pulling back, holding on to my hand, Ryo began to float, pulling me along with him. I smiled, not afraid at all. My sleepy self was pulled away from the grass and flowers, into the security of angelic Ryo. I laughed, feeling nothing but air beneath my feet. We were two dots in the sky, surrounded by beauty.

He pulled me close to him, staring at into eyes, unwavering. I was engulfed by warmth, sweet warmth. I was dizzy, wonderfully dizzy. A buzz in the back of my head was the only blemish in the perfection, growing louder and louder.

Suddenly, I was dropped from Ryo's arms, the skies becoming dark and cold. He stood farther and farther away above me, sadly staring at me with those blue ovals. I fell, the air chilling my skin. Falling into nothing, blackness, dark. A yell erupted from my lips, and I slammed hard into the ground.

* * *

My body shuddered as I awoke from my strange state. I could still feel the impact from my fall, like it was real. I screamed as I opened my eyes, realizing everyone was standing above me, concerned. My chest rose up and down rapidly as I focused on the figures above my head.

I remembered. Haruka, Michiru, Rei. Car accident. Hospital…oh, God…

Dead….

I shook my head, feeling the familiar ache return. Helping me up, Chibiusa looked tired and sad.

"Rei's gone now, too," she whispered. "Three soldiers. Gone.."

Jeanne, Chibiusa, Claelia and I embraced together, unsure of what we should do now that two of us were parentless.

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A/N: Mysterious mysterious…who exactly is this Ryo guy? The next chapter should be out soon ^_^


	3. Black

Pain. How I had come to know pain. My soul, it was soaked and drowned. I was simply a body now, moving through life, hollow. I had started to practically hibernate in my bed. My bones felt limp.

Despite the fact I had two term paper deadlines come and go, I was disconnected from reality. My room was covered in shades of gray and black. I had pulled back the draperies when I had gotten home that awful night, vowing I would never rise from my bed again. I stared at the ceiling, feeling nothing.

A few of my classmates had called to see if I was doing well. Cards piled up, dropped through the mail slot. I didn't even look over at who was dropping them into my apartment. Guilt was suffocating me. Why did Queen Serenity even have to tell me that awful news?

My eyes traveled from my ceiling to the window. Through the curtains I could see failing light. Another day gone. I sighed and slowly closed my eyes. The headache I was struggling with grew, and I winced. I was too tired to drag myself to the medicine cabinet. I held my eyes closed, tears slipping out of the sides of my eyelids. The pain choked me beyond recognition, and my breathing slowed to a peaceful whisper. Colors exploded around me.

I've been here before…

The flowers. They towered above me like mighty kings and queens upon their thrones. A sweet breeze caught their petals and tossed them about. Blue-clipped sky enclosed me in this beautiful cage. I was alone. Breathtakingly alone.

A hand reached out and brushed my cheek. I shuddered, surprised by the foreign touch. A face obstructed the sun falling on my face in warm splashes. I simply stared, unthinking.

"You're hurting.." The hushed whisper swept across me like wind. Ryo pulled a strand of ebony away from my expressionless face, his fingertips caressing and warm. I breathed slowly, afraid of when this would end. His voice was like silver, delicate.

I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling his presence next to me. I would never be able to look at Ryo the same way again. My mind, it was full of odd delusions. How could I say, "Hey, I go to this field of flowers in my dreams and you're an angel"? Never, never…

Wind began to blow. I opened my eyes, realizing Ryo was gone. The field was turbulent now, the breeze turning into a strong force. My hair fanned out behind my head, twirling at the disturbance. I managed to pull myself up, looking across the horizon. The blue sky was gone, replaced with dark, gray clouds. I gasped, feeling something smash me in my head, doubling my body back against the ground with a loud, unreal thud. I awoke in my room inhaling deeply, coughing, as if I had been underwater.

I grasped the sheets of my bed, a strong pain growing between my eyes. I knew I had to get out of this, and find out what was going on. I had to find a way to feel normal.

Normal as normal can be for me.

* * *

After numbly crawling out of bed the next morning, I realized what day this was. Claelia had called me a few days before to remind me. My daily headache began a round of pain, drumming across my head.

The funeral.

Slipping into a black dress, I combed my fine, midnight hair back from my pale face. I looked like a mess. The bags under my eyes were enormous, and the red tingeing my eyes from the tears was atrocious. I sighed at my appearance and walked out of my apartment, refusing to put on even a bit of makeup.

The sunlight was so bright. My eyes squinted against the light I hadn't been exposed to in days. I found my way to the bus stop, paid the driver, and slumped into a seat at the back of the bus. I was on my way to visit death.

I was going to a funeral.

Haruka, Michiru, and Rei's funeral.

My veins ran cold and my stomach lurched. Could I make it through this? I stared outside at the passing people and stores. Another thought tugged at my fatigued mind. Was I really going crazy? Angels and Ryo and fields and flowers…it just didn't make sense. Then again, none of this did.

I was yanked back to reality when the bus stopped abruptly. I stood and clambered off quickly, sweating profusely. I walked down the sidewalk breathing deeply, concentrating on the "clack-clack" sound my shoes made against the pavement. Before I knew it, I had reached my destination. Crystal Tokyo Graveyard. The wrought-iron sign startled me. So did the many tombstones inside the fenced grounds.

I made my way past the gate and found myself on a path that wound through the decorated tombs. I wasn't afraid of the tombstones, really. I was terrified of what I would see when I finally got to where I was supposed to be, which was the funeral of my loved ones.

I made a turn and found myself faced with three coffins, surrounded by people. Jeanne looked lifeless. Her violet-black hair was tangled, the usual fiery glimmer that emanated from her face lost. She simply stared at her mother's coffin, unblinking.

I took a deep breath and shook uncontrollably, feeling very dangerously light-headed. 'You can't pretend anymore,' I told myself. 'This is it. Get through it like you have so many times before!'

My last thought sliced through me with outrageous ferocity. I caught my breath and walked into the crowd, receiving hugs and "I'm so sorry"s. I broke away from them and trudged to the boxes that held Michiru and Haruka, looking down at their glassy surfaces and seeing my reflection. Ignoring the two royal guards at the side of the coffins, I opened their tops up and gazed at Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama.

Michiru didn't even look dead. I gasped, tears caught in my throat. A faint smile was on her face, like she was sleeping. No cuts, no blood, no gashes. The only thing that I could tell was abnormal was a bruise on the side of her head. I bit my lip and let the tears fall. Haruka was the same, peaceful and quiet. I blinked, dizzy, and rocked backwards. Claelia wandered over to me, closed the coffins slowly, and looked at me squarely in the eyes.

Her face blurred in front of me. I was like a rag doll, limp and lifeless. She led me to a seat gently, and I sat through the service, blind and deaf. At the end, Claelia tugged my arm slowly. People were standing and leaving, dropping flowers by the graves of Rei, Michiru, and Haruka. Chibiusa and Jeanne stood together, looking down on the graves. Claelia and I trotted up beside them. Claelia looked a bit uncomfortable, looking at Jeanne and me sadly. Jeanne looked like she was trying her best to keep her tears in, but was losing the battle. Placing a crimson red rose on top of Rei's grave, beside the tombstone, she began to scream shrilly, clawing at the grass and flowers. Chibiusa held her back, telling her she had to calm down. Claelia looked scared and confused, and I simply stood there dumbly, unmoving and unblinking in my cheap black shoes and dark dress. Jeanne's sobs subsided as Chibiusa managed to pull her back with great effort, Jeanne's face crinkling into a red mess, wailing.

Chibiusa held her still, rocking her back and forth and shushing her. Jeanne was overcome with grief and cried harder and harder, her wails becoming louder. Claelia grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I was feeling more alone than ever, more far away and distant, and no one could grab me back. I could feel someone shaking me, but it didn't mean anything to me. I had been dragged off, dying along with Michiru and Haruka.

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A/N: I love summer vacation. Means more writing time for me! ^_^ The next chapter for my latest messed-up fic is on its way, so watch out! Hehe..


	4. Tenderness

I ran so fast. So fast and quick away from that place. I was falling apart. How is this possible? My mind was screaming, splitting, breaking. No no no no no no no go away….

High above me I could hear church bells starting to ring as I made my way downtown, up the stairs, to my apartment, into my bed, covers over my head, drapes drawn, dark dark dark, alone…

Jeanne was turning into a nutcase. Like me. Was I crazy? I blinked, my face sweaty and tear-streaked. The air beneath the sheets of my bed was stuffy and unmoving. I breathed it in deep gulps, allowing the hot, arid air hang in my lungs. Crazy. I was being driven to insanity.

A knock on my door grabbed my attention. I slipped my head out of my temporary sanctuary. Another knock on my door. Sliding out of my bed, I crept to my door. Twilight flooded my dark apartment as I opened it and was faced with the figure of Ryo.

He was holding a red rose and staring somberly into my eyes. Blonde hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin. I gasped, my eyes growing large. My hands groped for the side of the door and I shut it, shaking. His gaze, the intensity of his eyes…my body was shaking from head to toe…

I slid my fingers down the doorframe, trembling. I closed my eyes, breathing deep, shallow breaths. He had a sort of gravity about him, I felt. My back prickled when I felt cool, slow breath on my neck. I opened my eyes slowly, catching an eyeful of silvery hair. Ryo was pressed up against me, his hand traveling down the length of my arm.

So many things irrational raced through my head at that moment. His skin was whiter than paper, and he simply stared up at me with that china blue gaze, pulling me up. He couldn't have gotten in…how…

Gently pushing me up into his arms, I felt familiarity. The warmth, security, of all my comatose apparitions was enveloping me, here in reality. Why was I so dizzy, so light? He was simply just another person in my life…why was I so…obsessed…

Ryo's lips trailed across the side of my cheek, cool and comforting. I sighed, relaxed, and dived into this ethereal dream. My eyelashes fluttered against my skin at his touch. He tilted his mouth to my ear and whispered.

"Sleep…please…sleep soundly…and without anguish…"

I licked my lips and began to answer him before he put a finger to my mouth and silenced me gently. In the darkness of my small apartment, he laid me across my rumpled bed. I muttered under my breath slightly, lost, dreamy. I felt the sheets running across my arms, the presence of Ryo at my side. I opened my eyes slightly, looked over at him. He smiled faintly, lovingly, his eyes full of uncharted pain. I reached my hand out to him, and he took it, stroking my fingers slowly. I prayed to God that he wouldn't leave me so soon, leave me alone. I felt a wave of exhaustion come over me, sweet sleep searching for me. Ryo moved in closer, pressed his lips to mine.

In those final, wavery moments in between sleep and reality, I was happiest. Happy because I didn't feel alone.

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A/N: Ugh, my poor, neglected fic! This is one of the stories that I really grew fond of, too. Getting busy doesn't help, and nor does procrastination! The next chapter should be out fairly soon, and expect new stories sometime this month.


	5. Flight

My eyes opened just as it happened. Brain and mind weren't even connected at this point. Incomprehensible, everything around me. I was floating, and then…plummeting.

Ryo bounded through my door, which had somehow been unlocked. He looked pallid, somber. Grabbing my arms, he yanked me out of bed and through the doorway. One of the sheets from my bed was draped across my shoulders, trailing behind us as he half-carried, half-dragged my semi-conscious into the creamy dawn light. I could feel his heart fluttering like a hummingbird's wing as he ran faster and faster, passing up the other apartments with their silent elegance. Ryo jumped down the stairway, and the three flights of stairs to the ground floor, bounding as if he were leaving Hell behind, all the while cradling me in his arms.

He stopped running once he reached the woods that closed in a side of the building, and pulled me up against the ground. I blinked and sat up quickly, my mouth opening in a question of sanity and judgment. He clamped his hand against my face and pressed me against the grass. Suddenly, an explosion sounded from a building.

My apartment building.

Glass shattered, and a great plume of fire exploded from the doorway. Smoke billowed from what once used to be my sanctuary away from the coldness of the world. It was now engulfed in flames.

I stared in disbelief. The sheet that was hung around my shoulders couldn't stop my shivering. That was the apartment that Haruka and Michiru had helped me pick out. Haruka and Michiru had even help me buy furniture and a new computer for it, so I could "keep in touch," as Michiru had tearfully whispered in my ear as I walked out of the home I had lived in for the better part of my life. It was all gone.

And I was beside the man that had saved my life.

A neon sign glittered in the distance as I heard great sirens echo. Ryo's eyes were as crystal blue as the always were, but ringed with fury and fatigue. How long had he stayed last night? I couldn't remember if he had left or not…

I began a weak effort to gain my composure as I stared right back into his face.

"I am your angel, Darkness." He grinned, showing perfect white picket fences of teeth. I could now see my violet eyes reflect in his clearer ones.

I simply could not speak. Darkness.

So he knew. I set my eyes downward, refusing to look back at this figure. This figure who could not possibly be a person, but was, and this person who had kept my soul intact for another day. Made it so that I wasn't in the ground, lying flat on my back, like Michiru and Haruka and Rei. And for which motives? I wasn't sure.

I pointed. "My…my..apartment. You were there last night. You helped me, made me feel…so…" My last words came out as a hoarse whisper. "And it's…gone now…" Look at me. Saying things that are so blatantly obvious.

He laid a hand on my cheek, his gaze unbreakable. "I am here because the Queen wants to kill you, and so does her daughter. And I simply cannot let that happen, without letting myself know that I did something to at least try and stop it. She's mad. She's hell-bent on crashing Crystal Tokyo into the ground. And now that she's taken your guardians, she'll take you too. She'll break you like so much fine china…" He looked away, the tremble in his voice evident.

I went numb. "…Rei…?"

Ryo tilted his head to the side. "She just happened to be in the car when the Queen's assassins did their dirty work. Rei wasn't supposed to die…yet."

I fell back, contemplating. "They want me…dead?"

"All of you. Dead."

I narrowed my eyes. "All of us?"

"You see, it isn't the Queen. And it isn't her daughter. They are either dead themselves or are being held captive. What you have are imposters, and they want the Senshi finished. And you are indeed a Senshi of the Queen, are you not?" He smiled wryly.

"No one's supposed to know that."

"Well, I do." He slid in closer to me.

"What are you?" Ryo had his hand on mine, his fingers sewn between my own. "Why do you know so much, care so much…"

"I care because I know that you have the power to murder, and the power to kill, but not the will to take life willingly. You are such a lonely girl. You've felt loneliness all your life…and then some." I shuddered, realizing that he was talking about my life…before this one.

"I am chained to this earth. I can only find freedom in true love. I've been alone nine hundred years."

I looked now, understanding the pain that was so unknown in his eyes. Knowing the loneliness that comes with traversing the earth without aim, and then finding it.

Had he found it?

He got up slowly, pulling me up with him. In a sudden, swift and liquid movement, he kissed me. I realized now that instead of being shackled to the earth, he was also shackled to my soul, and these chains were now wrapped around me indefinitely.

Looking to the side, he smiled. "Now comes the hard part. Staying alive long enough to enjoy you." And leading me out of our hiding place, we began.

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A/N: New chapter. Hope everyone likes it. Exams are this week, ouchies..


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